Regarding the Poems

 

When the poems get posted, they are second drafts that usually require more drafts to achieve any hope for a ‘final stage.’   I tinker with them pretty constantly.  Sometimes I leave notes below the poems on the changes.

Probably I’d be scolded by a PR rep for putting up unfinished, awful poems.   “First impressions are everything,” and such. 

My response to this is complex and muddled.

As I think on it now, I would respond that the poems get more attention from me, when I post them earlier rather than later, which ultimately leads to better crafting.  This is my own selfish little idiosyncrasy.  I seem to get a rush from the feel of ‘being under the spotlight,’ and this motivates me to edit and improve the poems 

This introduces a related point:  that my goal is primarily to bring the poems to full expression, in concurrence with the appraisal of my inner muses, not to truly gain the spotlight. 

So, strange situation:  I like the feel of ‘being in the spotlight’--a posted poem available online to whoever’s ‘out there’-- but it isn’t my primary goal.  Even more, I am not sure that I want a lot of readers.  

Predictably enough, this invokes more thought, based on another tension:  am I obligated to try and get my poems more public attention?  Do some of them, at least, deserve greater recognition, and am I therefore ethically required to strive for that? 

And then more rabbit-hole questions:  Is my thought that the poems deserve more recognition purely narcissistic and deluded?  Am I losing any semblance of humility, a virtue I much admire and want to embrace, when I start to think in terms of getting more attention?  Do I, unknown even to myself, crave fame more than anything else?

I could keep going, with more confusion arising, and more questions, and more rabbit holes. 

For now, my behavior is simple enough.  Post poems on this blog, where I believe very few people actually read them (most of the ‘visitors’ are no doubt bots).  And yet I get a little frisson from having them publicly posted, which motivates me to write and edit. 

I hope this petite neurotic diversion was entertaining to someone.  

 

Owl