When the poems first get posted, they are second drafts that usually require more drafts to achieve any hope for a ‘final stage.’ I tinker with them pretty constantly. Sometimes I leave notes below the poems on the changes.
Probably I’d be scolded by a PR rep for putting up unfinished, awful poems. “First impressions are everything,” and such.
My response to this is complex and muddled.
As I think on it now, I would respond that the poems get more attention from me, when I post them earlier rather than later, which ultimately leads to better crafting. This is my own selfish little idiosyncrasy. I seem to get a rush from the feel of ‘being under the spotlight,’ and this motivates me to edit and improve the poems
This introduces a related point: that my goal is primarily to bring the poems to full expression, in concurrence with the appraisal of my inner muses, not to truly gain the spotlight.
So, strange situation: I like the feel of ‘being in the spotlight’--a posted poem available online to whoever’s ‘out there’-- but it isn’t my primary goal. Even more, I am not sure that I want a lot of readers.
Predictably enough, this invokes more thought, based on another tension: am I obligated to try and get my poems more public attention? Do some of them, at least, deserve greater recognition, and am I therefore ethically required to strive for that?
And then more rabbit-hole questions: Is my thought that the poems deserve more recognition purely narcissistic and deluded? Am I losing any semblance of humility, a virtue I much admire and want to embrace, when I start to think in terms of getting more attention? Do I, unknown even to myself, crave fame more than anything else?
I could keep going, with more confusion arising, and more questions, and more rabbit holes.
For now, my behavior is simple enough. Post poems on this blog, where I believe very few people actually read them (most of the ‘visitors’ are no doubt bots). And yet I get a little frisson from having them publicly posted, which motivates me to write and edit.
I hope this petite neurotic diversion was entertaining to someone.