Poem: Without Mocking

 Without Mocking

a violent wall stares

at the failure of my body to move.

no communication.  a crushed essence

the opposite of wings.

i place a palm on the wall’s faceless mask,

and recognize how i fled and hid.

not only from my heart’s poisoned love

but from its hurt conflagration.

 

i understand this consignment

to a random braille of irrevelant

physics in tiny bumps of plaster and paint.

this alphabet designed to hide and lie.

 

i understand  

 

that i was once strong and numb,

as muscular as the grey wall.  as impregnable. 

before shame broke the mirage and judged--

 

judged with an expression

which mocks without mocking,

like this wall.

 

yes,

i earned this fate from my lack.

 

i should have swooned, instead,

in the aftermath of deceptions.

i should have preened

under the bright lights.

 

i should have survived.

 

 

 

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