When the poems get posted, they are second drafts that
usually require more drafts to achieve any hope for a ‘final stage.’ I tinker
with them pretty constantly. Sometimes I
leave notes below the poems on the changes.
Probably I’d be scolded by a PR rep for putting up
unfinished, awful poems. “First impressions are everything,” and such.
My response to this is complex and muddled.
As I think on it now, I would respond that the poems get
more attention from me, when I post them earlier rather than later, which
ultimately leads to better crafting. This
is my own selfish little idiosyncrasy. I
seem to get a rush from the feel of ‘being under the spotlight,’ and this
motivates me to edit and improve the poems
This introduces a related point: that my goal is primarily
to bring the poems to full expression, in concurrence with the appraisal of my inner
muses, not to truly gain the spotlight.
So, strange situation:
I like the feel of ‘being in the spotlight’--a posted poem available online
to whoever’s ‘out there’-- but it isn’t my primary goal. Even more, I am not sure that I want a lot of
readers.
Predictably enough, this invokes more thought, based on
another tension: am I obligated to try and
get my poems more public attention? Do some
of them, at least, deserve greater recognition, and am I therefore ethically
required to strive for that?
And then more rabbit-hole questions: Is my thought that the poems deserve more recognition
purely narcissistic and deluded? Am I
losing any semblance of humility, a virtue I much admire and want to embrace,
when I start to think in terms of getting more attention? Do I, unknown even to myself, crave fame more
than anything else?
I could keep going, with more confusion arising, and more
questions, and more rabbit holes.
For now, my behavior is simple enough. Post poems on this blog, where I believe very
few people actually read them (most of the ‘visitors’ are no doubt bots). And yet I get a little frisson from having
them publicly posted, which motivates me to write and edit.
I hope this petite neurotic diversion was entertaining to
someone.
Owl